I admit, this is a bit of an easy target. The site is either made by a 9-year-old who had her mom ask the other hookers at work about how to make a web site or, hopefully, an overly fat and hairy man grown into his couch. The latter is less likely, but would be more amusing. Anyway, whoever made this site seems to at least have a slight grasp of spelling and punctuation, which I should give them some credit for, but that's where it ends. . .
The font is a horrid magenta spread across a repeating, multi colour background, which leaves us with wonderfully easy-to-read bits of text such as this one:
In an odd twist of fate, you might consider it a favour though. Because even if the person has a vague idea how to spell, they seem to have sacrificed most of the remaining brain cells in this obvious deal with Satan and his lover. The site mainly gives you a quick run down of the whole "Under the Sea" crew in form of sentences such as this:
"Flounder is Ariel's best friend and companion under the sea, they have much fun and adventure together.."
And that's all we get to know about this Flounder character. I'm not entirely sure who this site is aimed at, but assuming it is people with an at least rough idea of what the hell The Little Mermaid is about, I think they knew at least that much. Unless, of course, they familiarised themselves with it through Tram Pararam, in which case it might come as a shock to them when it didn't say:
"Flounder is Ariel's best friend and companion under the sea, they spend most of their time in tuna orgies and fucking each other with rusty fishing poles.."
After the ten intelligence devouring sentences that make up most of this site, there are a number of links you do best in avoiding. One of them takes you to this mystery person's main page. Only click here if you want the fat, hairy man dreams to be shattered--the site is indeed made by the little girl Renata and her mom. There are also pages about fairies, dancing, Renata's personal web ring (which I didn't dare looking further into out), unicorns, friends, and awards.
Yeah, apparently if you give her your name, e-mail, and web site URL, you can win one of three magical rewards. Alternatively, if you can't go through that kind of hassle, there is another option: "If you want an award for your page, just Email me." There is a lot of pride and honour in these masterpieces! Anyway, I decided that I should have a reward, so I sent in my details. Now let's just hope she deems me worthy!
And before you start throwing hate mail at me for trying to make a little girl cry, the site was apparently made in the '90s. So Renata is, by now, most likely an overweight, angry lesbian who spends her nights crying over how if she hadn't devoted her life to drugged out alley sex and eating raw beef, she could've been a fairy unicorn mermaid dancer in her very own castle with her very own lobster.
Plus, the damn form didn't work. But I did get to see all the sites who have won an award so far! This should make the next five years' worth of CLotWs fairly easy to dig out.
//Benny
