This third night of Hanukka used to be the most boring. Up until 1743 the only thing the Jews did on this night was to light a candle and dance around the Gemara. That often resulted in a couple of broken legs and people fighting over who got to sleep next to the Ketubah. But like I said, in 1743 all of this changed.
It was a cold winter night. The Chasidus was standing silent in Litzur Shulchan Aruch's house as Litzur and his family was looking at the Gemara.
"Are you sure we should dance around the Gemara this year," said Litzur's wife, Mishna "you remember what happened last year, don't you?"
Litzur nodded without saying a word. Everyone remembered the winter of 1744, when the Gemara was cought on fire and grandpa, Nusach Sefard, died due to inhaling too much smoke.
So without further talking, the black curly-haired Shema, son of Litzur and Mishna, went to his room and brought back a game of Jews Monopoly.
"Wonderful Shacharit!" said Litzur with a big, happy, Jewish smile across his face.
The put the Monopoly board on the floor and chose their characters. Litzur chose the holy dog, Talmud, Mishna chose the concentration camp, and Shema chose the big green hat, Zohar.
Since Shema was the youngest, they let Mishna begin. She rolled a 857 on the Jewish dice (they use 3 dice in the Jewish version of Monopoly), and got to collect 5,697,345 Jewish Yarmulkes (points) by passing Go a couple of times. She winded up on Parsha-street and bought it for 100 Jewish Points.
Then it was Litzur's turn. He rolled a 666 and was sent to concentration camp. This is a special rule for the Jewish Monopoly. In the NORMAL Monopoly when you're sent to jail you get to leave after a while, but when you get sent to a concentration camp in the Jewish Monopoly you don't get to leave. Instead you got to knock three of your teeth out and then just sit and watch for the rest of the game. So Litzur picked up a Haftorah and used it to knock three of his Jewish teeth out then lied on the floor, bleeding and watching the rest of the game. Then it was Shema's turn. He rolled a one and got to Shesna Street. Shesna Street is cheap, but it sucks, so Shema decided not to buy it, and then it was Mishna's turn again. This time she rolled a 1,547,345,496 and got to the Water Temple.
"Hi khabarahn!" shouted Mishna, "now all I need is Spirit Temple and you will have to pay me 1,000,000 Jewish Points every time you walk on them or roll a 4,560. Sweet Krishna!"
Shema sighed and rolled the dice. It was a 134 and he got to move to "conc. camp HELLO."
"Barmitzvah!" Shema yelled out, clearly annoyed.
Litzur chuckled and threw up some blood. Then it was Mishna's turn again. She rolled a 76 and got to move to Eat Amida and bought it for 120 Jewish Points. Mincha, was this her night!
Then it was Shema's turn again. This time he rolled a shining 56,678,456,205. "KRISHNA!" he shouted with a big smile over his Jewish, dirty face. He moved his hat to "Gas Your Family" and did what it said. Put his parents in the family gas-chamber and gased them to death. This was his best Hanukka ever.
Ever since that wonderful night, the third night of Hanukka has been known as the Jewish Monopoly night. Jewish families all over the world gather in their Kaddish-rooms and play Jewish Monopoly. A lot of them die, but it's all for fun, so no hard feelings. =))))
//Benny
