The cool thing about being a vampire would be the whole shape-shifting thing. I'd probably hang out as a wolf all night or something. And then maybe turn into fog and bite some giiiiirls. Most vampires seem to be fucked up emotionally and lonely and all of that good stuff, but then again movies suck. It'd kick ass to wander forever in wolf form and suck on necks and whatnot. And live in an awesome castle in the darkest part of whatever country you choose, where there are always clouds above your home.

Or a werewolf. Werewolves are just fucking cool. I wouldn't be one of those pussy movie werewolves that are all tormented by their werewolfism, and I wouldn't turn into the wolf only on full moons . . . I'd be able to do it whenever the hell I'd want. And I would do it, all the time. Attack things, too. Because I'd be a fucking werewolf. And you don't fuck with werewolves, because they'll scratch your face and then tear you up and whatnot.

Being a zombie . . . I just can't see anything good about that one. I mean, you've got a dead body, and your skin's all . . . dead and decaying. I mean, it'd be nice to go to a pool or something and freak everyone out, but you'd probably die (again) in that sun. And some punk kid would probably run into you and knock off a limb. Losing a limb is never fun. Being a zombie would just suck. Rob Zombie seems to like it, but then again when was the last time he did anything worth paying attention to?

Now, robots. And I'm not talking about those stupid Japbots they have to bring in your paper and wave to your neighbors . . . I mean real robots. The cold, emotionless killing machines with metal claws that can twist an arm off without even breaking a sweat (Technically, you could do anything without breaking a sweat, because you'd be a robot). You could gain the trust of the humans by helping them with their mundane tasks, and then when they least expect it, pull out your drilling arm-extension and go to work. That would be damned cool, and you know it. The rust thing would be annoying, but there are ways to deal with that. With a robot body, you could do anything. Except get a Virginia driver's license. But hell, you'd be a robot. A fucking robot! Why would you need to drive? You can flip your wheels out and use them to crush other cars, anyway.

Aliens? Aliens don't exist, get a life you fucking nerd.

Ghosts are kind of odd, you know? I don't know, it would just seem . . . meaningless, I guess. Sure, you can do plenty of stuff, but not many people would even notice it. You'll be, in your mind, an all-powerful being, with the ability to do anything and everything when and how you please, but . . . to everyone else, you're just something in a photograph on a website full of pictures of smoke, and cameras with fingerprints on the lense. Face it, ghosts, you're lame.

I know I'm leaving stuff out. Ogres. Uhh . . . other stuff. Hey, look over there!

August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate

Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.

June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny

May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny