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Imposter Saddam Launches Biological Weapons
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Saddam's imposter launched the first of hundreds of biological weapons. America's reply will not be a walk on the beach. Rather a walk on that road in front of the Mexican pizzeria that no one really likes.
 The Iraqi BSQ-Iraqi Children X-40s are lined up in front of their families, ready to be launched. |
After the night's catastrophical bombings over Bagdad, Iraq decided to respond to the attacks. Saddam appeared on Iraqi TV just hours after the attack and announced that they are ready to launch their biological weapons. Two hours later, the threat became reality. The weapon inspection that never took place was correct, Iraq does have biological weapons, now it has been proven to the people of the world. The weapons are of the kind BSQ-Iraqi Children X-40, which can be described as Iraqi children being launched from VolksWagen WarTrailors.
 Exclusive footage of an X-40 being launched towards Kuwait. |
First Attack Causes Great Damage in Kuwait
Iraq's first X-40 missile was aimed towards the American forces located in Kuwait, ready to invade Iraq and fill their backpacks with oil. According to British media, the missile hit its target and killed 34,000,000 children and a couple of Russians. The Iraqi media's reports are different, though. According to them, 85,000,000,000 American and British soldiers were killed, and no civilians at all. No one is sure what to believe, especially not after recent announcements in Indi TV that says that hockey is a long dead Indian sport. Germany wasn't late to follow up with news that stated that they did win the second world war, and that all Jews ought to be killed. Austria responded with "Sieg heil!"
Not long after the media war, which is expected to be much more violent than the Iraqi war, an old guy in Norway tripped over a new born baby elephant and broke his hip. It was a sad day for Norway and they called back the Norweigan army, consisting of Guleböj Mårtensen and Hedvig Ludefeldt, that was on its way to Iraq to support the Finnish troops. There were never any Finnish troops in Iraq, though. It was just a practical joke the world played on Norway to make them send their army there just to have it return to Norway as soon as their slow brains managed to figure out that the Finnish troops in fact was an old, dead cactus next to a burned down building from the 18th century.
Was it really Saddam who
appeared on TV this morning? |
American Experts Say that Saddam is Dead or on a Vacation
The appearance of Saddam in Iraqi TV was recorded by CIA and American experts have studied the speech for hours, and come to a surprising conclusion.
"We believe that the man on TV was not Saddam, but an imposter," American movie specialist, Hager Floiting, says to CNN. "If you look closely at the nose in the new photo, you can see that Saddam is wearing his mustache. It is widely known that Saddam never wears his mustache on live TV, so this can't be Saddam. So he was either killed by American bombs, or is just on a vacation in Greenland, clubbing seals and eskimoes."
Iraq, who heard about the investigation, wasn't late with posting "US <3 FAGZ!!!1" on the official Iraqi web site (www.weloveiraq-andsaddamisourbabydaddy.com). This was not taken lightly by Pentagon, and they hacked the site and posted "lol u sux0rz" instead of the wild accusation.
George Bush, live on CNN. |
Iraq's Use of Biological Weapons Upset America
Iraq have threatened to launch more biological weapons, and America's response is more than violent.
"Just imagine that my penis was a giant missile," Bush said in a live speech broadcasted over the world through CNN.
Iraq obviously have all reasons to be afraid, but are they? Due to the fact that none of them have CNN, they probably aren't. Instead, they watch ICO, Iraq's Comedy Oasies, where episodes of Hans and the Mule are aired every night at 7. Last week host Abbaglihadahido Ummquilahahahadidada was sick and Oblihomotigahahada Sadahadahadahadaqumm had to take his place. This was certainly not good for the Iraqi ratings.
//Benny
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Staff Comments of Awesomeness
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August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate
It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.
Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.
June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny
I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny
I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.
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