The Star Wars series is probably the most acknowledged movie series to ever be made. At least if you exclude Vivid's Where Boys Aren't. But what not many of the Star Wars fans, also known as fagfacenerds, don't know is the fact that Star Wars looked way different before the final filming took place. I have taken my time to search the darkest corners of the web to find pictures of the old Staw Wars. It was far from easy, but after a while I got my hands on Harrison Ford's suicide note, which told me where to look. Here are the results (of seh German vout):
Have you ever thought about the fact that the Death Star is in fact called Death Star, but in fact just looks like a giant football which is much smaller than it seems to be? And also, if the Death Star is as big as it appears to be from the outside, then how the hell does everyone keep to bump in on eachother all the time? Well, I've got the answers for your questions. You see, the reason the Death Star is actually called the Death Star is because its original shape was the one we humans see as a star. It was designed by the guy who plays that annoying little furry thing in one of the later episodes. Although the star was pretty big from the only angle you got to see it (with the crater thing facing out) it was about 20 meters thick (66 feet for all of you dumb asses who don't understand the metric system), and included a hell of a lot of those never ending holes that ended even though they were never ending holes. The holes can be described as a lack of imagination.
"What should we put in this part of the Death Star?"
"I don't know, do we have a living room yet?"
"We have 40 living rooms, and only two TVs."
"Damn. Bathroom?"
"One for every crew member."
"Even the hairy ape?"
"He's not a crew member."
"Oh, just put another endless hole there then."
"Okay, what should be at the bottom?"
"Just put a bunch of weird looking walls down there, it will make the crowd shut up and think it's cool."
"Good idea, Darth."
"My name is George."
That's how the holes were created. Apart from holes there were mainly a bunch of long hallways with doors that didn't lead anywhere, they were just put up against the wall for the look of it. Then they had six big rooms, except for the 40 living rooms. One where the evil guy sat and talked to himself. One where they kept a bunch of space ships that no one ever used. One where they kept cool looking pillars that some idiot bought on a sale in China. One where a big octopus alien lived for no reason. He later died due to the fact that his owners fed him steel girders. One where a bunch of blind people in white plastic suits could run around and try to shoot at stuff that ran by. Never hit anything, which can be explained by the blindness. And finally a room where they kept a big TV that showed a bunch of random numbers.
The design of the Death Star was later changed due to the fact that it looked like a scene of My Little Pony, which was written by the same hairy thing. The hairy thing was then fired from the story writing crew.
This kid didn't really have anything to do with Star Wars, but just imagine if they'd let him play Yoda. That would've been awesome. So instead of a senile frogman who had to use a walking stick everytime he moved, except for in one scene where he moved at the speed of light, we would've seen a small hairy kid that everyone kept staring at, then he would pull a joke about poop and everyone would laugh.
Before Darth Vader was played by an old albino dude with acne problems, he was played by Chris Tucker. Chris Tucker was great and swinging the Light Sabre, but he could never keep the word "Nigga" out of a sentence. "Luke, my nigga, I'm yo daddy." That was the final straw, and Chris Tucker was fired and replaced by the albino guy who often knocked on the studio door, begging for food. Other people say that Chris Tucker was fired only 'cause he was black. And the only people who say so are black people. Apparently they're just a bunch of racists who try to make the Star Wars crew look racist instead. Ha! Good luck with that, 'cause there was one black guy who never was fired just for being black, Jabba the Hutt.
Before the present X-Wing was created, it was only called a "Wing." This was the permanent design of the space ship until the Star Wars people noticed that it looked more like a big metal penis with a flag on it, than it looked like a kick ass space ship. So to fix the problem, they removed the flag. So now it just looked like a big metal penis, without an orange flag on it. This boggled the creators' minds, and they talked for weeks about what to do. After a while they added the wings which made it look like a big flying X instead, and some GENIOUS came up with the name X-Wing.
The rest of the material I found by looking through Harrison Ford's suicide just consisted of links to homosexual porn sites. And I don't think that has anything to do with Star Wars.
//Benny
