I remember that FOX was always the thing to watch on Sunday nights. Well, before 9. Nobody (me) liked the X Files.
But last night I started watching it, and I must say it was terrible.
I missed the Simpsons, which I love but the show gets boring after a while, and the first few minutes of the show that came on afterwards, a new show, Oliver Beene.
The first thing I thought was "FOX, stop trying to recreate That 70's Show, damn you! You already made That 70's Show boring and stupid and nobody watches it and you're fat." It's set in the early 1960's, and focuses on some stupid kid (Who also seems to narrate the show from today's point. OMG WONDAR YEARZ!1), and his stupid adventures with his stupid family.
He went over to his blatantly homosexual (At age 11?) friend's house, and the two found the gay kid's father's "nudie magazine." Gaymom, which is what I've been calling her ever since just now, comes home and Oliver hides the magazine under his shirt and leaves. Other stuff happens, Oliver's older brother destroys the non-pornographic porn and Oliver and Gayliver have to find another copy of the magazine before Gaydad comes home.
Let's just say this: I laugh at everything. Everything. I didn't even crack a smile during Oliver Beene. It was that fucking bad.
For a while now I've hated those little FOX things that come on to tell you what shows come on next. Why? It always says "[name of show] . . . In thirty. Now stay tuned for [name of other show]." IN THIRTY?! DIE YOU BASTARDS! I don't know why "in thirty" bothers me, it just does. "In thirty minutes," that would be ok . . . Or "[name of show], and [name of other show] in thirty minutes." Aaaarrrrgg.
Next came Malcom in the Middle. That's a funny show. Except for Frankie Muniz and his character. Normally if a title character sucks the show is no good, but eh, Malcom in the Middle is.
There was a garage sale, and the boys would pick up things and have flashbacks. Reese found a toy robot and had a flashback of him as a young boy hitting the robot against the ground shouting "Robot! Robot! Robot!" (which I found cool because I enjoy sex with robots). Malcom found, who cares? Malcom sucks. Dewey picked up [item] and had a flashback of him picking up [item]. Haha, that part was great.
After Malcom was another new show, The Pitts. And I had thought that Oliver Beene was bad enough.
The commercials for the show made it look stupid, and it had comments like "So over the top you can't even see the top anymore," and "A live-action cartoon!" Yeah, and those proved true . . . Assuming by "the top" you mean "quality" or "comedy," and by "cartoon" you mean "shitty show that nobody in their right minds would watch unless they're only doing so to bitch about the show on a Swedish-made website." Yeah, it all makes sense now.
In the first five minutes of the show they used that laughter sound effect some 40 times. It was ridiculous. And it's like they were trying to not be funny and somehow be funny doing so. SORRY, FOX, THAT ONLY WORKS ON THE INTERNET roflmao!!1
The story had something to do with a haunted car that became obsessed with the girl. Obviously, the show wasn't trying to be serious, but it was seriously seriously bad.
ADDING CANNED LAUGHTER AFETR EVERY SENTENCE DOESN'T MAKE SOMETHING FUNNY, FOX.
And the first joke on the show was taken from King of the Hill. The father was looking through the mail, "Bills, bills, bills. Why do we keep getting Bill's mail? [laughter]"
He then ate a sample of cereal and had an allergic reaction and passed out and the wife jammed a tube into his chest.
Oh yeah, and the car was a black man.
It was stupid stupid stupid and I couldn't force myself to watch the last few minutes of it.
So in closing, FOX sucks, and Family Guy's never coming back, and I think Grounded for Life moved to the WB.
Oh! But I did see a commercial for a BRAND NEW ORIGINAL GROUND-BREAKING REALITY TV SHOW! A woman has to spend time with a bunch of guys and then at the end choose one to live with/fuck/marry on television (because those marraiges always work!), but here's the catch: THE GUYS WEAR MASKS THE WHOLE TIME, AND ARE REALLY UGLY UNDERNEATH THE MASKS! Thanks, FOX, because TV hasn't made the world quite retarded enough yet.
I suck.
//Marshall
