The sun was shining bright over Midgard's huge plains as Goldie Loki and Balder were riding around the town of Shnugg on their wooden horses.
"Whatever happened to that easy death of yours, Balder?" asked Goldie Loki as his golden locks swayed in the wind.
"Lol, from what I've heard of Freyakiznov, the Russian God of love, I can be killed by stuff. So Odin-San is going to put a curse on all things in the world so that they cannot kill me."
"Wow, Balder, you're so lucky to have a friend like Odin-San. The only friends I have are Snorlax and Pikachu," Goldie Loki sad with a frown upon his face.
"There, there, Goldie Loki. You will find more friends some day. All you have to do is stop being so ugly, and it will all go like a charm. Ah well, I have to hurry home now. Freyakiznov is cooking me a hot dinner and then we're going to have wild sex at the top of Yggdrasil. Bye, Goldie Loki," Balder said as he waved and rode away.
"That Balder is so lucky. OMFG, I'm so jelous of him. OMFG," Goldie Loki thought as he kept riding the wooden horse.
Three hours later, Goldie Loki was still riding in circles.
"I can't keep this up. I have to do something about Balder," he said to himself and rode home to his lair in Mordor.
Later that day in Midgard, Freyakiznov, Odin-San, and Balder were all gathered around the TV, watching The Godfellas (starring God, himself).
"ROTFLMFAO, God is such a loser-god," Odin-Sad laughed.
"Yeah, I bet he can't even slaughter an innocent giant," Freyakiznov agreed.
"Speaking of slaughter, can I be really be slaugtered by stuff?" Balder asked in a serious tone.
"Oh, yes, that reminds me. Now, you can. But I've gathered all of the living materia of Midgard here in this bag. Well, not all of it, that would just be silly, but one of each thing. So now all we have to do is curse them all and they won't be able to hurt you, Balder," Freyakiznov replied.
"Yay!" yelled Balder."
"OMFG, can we just wait until The Godfellas is over? OMFG, I'm trying to, you know, watch it. Like, HELLO!" Odin-San said in an annoyed tone.
"WTF. F u, Odin-San," Freyakiznov said.
"OMG," Odin-San replied.
Then they all watched The Godfellas.
"Oh no, it's late already. I have to go home and change into something more comfortable," Freyakiznov said and winked at Balder.
"OMG, are you two going to fuck on top of Yggdrasil again?" Odin-San asked.
"Yeah," Freyakiznov replied, wondering why Odin-San had asked.
"Cool. Just make sure that that stupid Squirrel doesn't see you this time. Last time he got off to it and almost drowned the humans, on the brench below him, with his squirrel semen."
"LOL," Freya shouted, "ah well, you two just go ahead and get those things cursed while I'm changing clothes into nothing. Ok?"
So that's what they did. Freyakiznov got undressed and ready for some wild sex on top of the tree of life, while Odin-San put a curse on all of the items. Meanwhile, over in Goldie Loki's lair, the three friends were planning an evil scheme.
"I have to get rid of that Balder! He's driving me applanas," Goldie Loki shouted.
"Yo, just cut that nigga's wrists, dawg," Pikachu replied in a ghetto voice.
"Do we have to be so violent?" Snorlax asked, "I mean, why not just tell him how you feel and he might give you some of his fame?"
"Boo! That idea suck, idiot. SUCKS!" Pikachu yelled at him.
"Yeah, I have to get rid of him. Rid of him . . . for good," Goldie Loki said while picking with his golden locks.
"I fucking know it!" Pikachu shouted, "ask that fucking whore, Freyakiznov, if there's absolutely anything that can kill him. If she thinks you're that fag Fenrir, she might answer your question."
"Yeah! I'll do that!" Goldie Loki yelled happily. "BTW, Fenrir is the camel, right?"
"Yeah," Pikachu said.
"Isn't he a wolf?"
"Shut up, Snorlax, you know nothing, idiot!" Pikachu yelled.
"I better get into my camel-costume, then," Goldie Loki thought out loud.
And so he did.
Four hours later, Goldie Loki, dressed as Fenrir the camel, stood outside of Freyakiznov's.
"Ok, let's do this," Goldie Loki thought and knocked the door.
Freyakiznov immediately opened the door and looked at the camel for a couple of seconds.
"Who are you?" she said after a moment of silence.
"I'm Fenrir, can't you see?" Golden Loki replied.
"But aren't you usually a wolf?"
"No."
"Oh, ok. Sorry, I've always thought you were a wolf. ROTMFFLMMFAO! Ah well, just let me wash Balder's sperm off of my face and we can talk in a second, ok?"
"Sure," Goldie Loki said, as he became even more jealous of Balder.
Freyakiznov went to the Godly Bathroom of Love and Porn and washed her face while Goldie Loki waited in the hall.
"Ok, I'm done. Now what was it that you wanted to ask me?" Freyakiznov asked while walking out of the Godly Bathroom of Love and Porn.
"Isn't there anything in the whole world that can kill Balder?" he asked.
"Hmm . . . why yes, there is one thing. The toe of Mistle. Mistle is a fat green giant who lives up in the mountains. His feet are really smelly and I didn't want to touch them, so we couldn't put a curse upon his one toe."
"Thanks," Goldie Loki said and ran back home.
"Pikachu! Snorlax! Get Mistle here. NOW!" Goldie Loki yelled as he opened the door to his lair.
"Sure, dawg, I'll just call his celly, na'mean," Pikachu replied.
Ten minutes later they heard a knock on the door and Goldie Loki went to open it.
"Hello, mister Camel. Pikachu just called my cell phone and told me to get my ass over here. He also added pronto, which I don't really know the meaning of," the fat green giant at the door said.
"Shut up!" Goldie Loki yelled, "jst get down on your back and we won't kill you."
"OMFG! AWP campers!" Mistle yelled in a girly voice and got down on his back.
Pikachu then brought out his newly bought chain saw, Killer Saw 3000, and used it to cut off Mistle's only toe.
"There we go. Now give this toe to Balder's blind brother, Frigg, and he'll kill him with it," Pikachu instructed.
Goldie Loki ran as fast as he could do the God's village where he immediately found the blind Frigg walking around tripping over things.
"Is someone there?" Frigg cried, "I've been out here for three weeks now, I can't find my way home and everyone just laughs at me without giving me any directions."
"It's me, Fenrir the camel," Goldie Loki said.
"But isn't Fenrir a wolf?" Frigg asked.
"Shut up."
"Hmm . . . ah well, what is your business here, Fenrir?"
"I've got this toe that I want you to throw at Balder. He's immortal, anyway, so it can't hurt him. It will be just for fun," Goldie Loki said with a big, evil smile upon his face.
"Sure, I'll give it a try," Frigg said, excited that someone finally said more than "lol" to him.
"Good. Turn a bit to the right and then throw the toe with all of your strength," Goldie Loki said and looked over at Balder who was standing next to a wooden horse, talking to himself.
Frigg hurled the toe with all of his power, just as Fenrir had instructed. The toe hit Balder in the eye and he screamed at the top of his lungs as he fell to the ground. Within two seconds, he was dead.
"LMFAO! Balder, did I hit you with the toe?" Frigg yelled, without knowing that he had just killed his brother.
The rest of the Gods saw all of this and they ran over to Frigg and beat him to death with sticks and rocks.
//Benny
