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Jaws 5: Jawz With a Z
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In the first scene while the credits are coming up, you'll see the original Jaws (This is before the first Jaws) with another shark... only this shark looks weird. It's black, has NEON EYES, light bulb tipped antenna and a bunch of weird alien paint characters on it. People will be thinking "Hey, this is no ordinary shark, what's going on here." in rhetorical fashion. Later they will find out it's an alien shark that escaped from a scientific lab. But this is later! Well, the screen fades away as they court each other, suggesting a future MATING (Sex) session. This will get the people intrigued. "Not good! What evil will come of this!?" they will think.
In later scenes they find out that Jawz is the spawn of the two sharks we saw in the first scene. It doesn't look weird which throws everyone off. They can't tell right away. They learn that Jawz has been laying low for years while his idiotic kin were getting killed by ugly people. He learned from their mistakes. This Jawz is special in other ways though... not only is there a "Z" (Cooler) in his name, he has a few special powers: He can seep through drains! He's really smart! He can shape shift! He's really good at Dance Dance Revolution! Those are all his powers (Like they aren't enough.) gained from the alien shark (Gabodaba) and Jaws.
There are various scenes between all these that aren't very important. Jawz killing people, using his powers (All right!) and just generally being a bad ass.
Later, Jawz finds out he gains the knowledge of the people he consumes. He starts getting selective. He researches people he'd like to eat and lures them to the beach. He utilizes his shape shifting skills to aid him in this. He gains more and more special skills this way. He plans to take over the world, wearing a cape and gaining public support through brainwashing or something that's not hard to explain. NO ONE CAN STOP HIM. Or so it seems...
At this point Ranger Guy from the first Jaws movie shows up; he's pretty pissed about all of this. He tells people Jawz is stupid and stuff, but it's no use thanks to the aforementioned brainwashing. Ranger Guy gets a wild hair up his ass and gets an idea... but it just might work. Ranger guy drinks some of Gabodaba's blood obtained from the scientists at a crazy price. This imbues him with some special powers of his own. He gains the powers Jawz has... minus Jawz's ability to gain the knowledge of those he consumes. Ranger Guy doesn't need that for ass kicking anyway!
With his new skills (The most important one being shape shifting), Ranger Guy challanges Jawz to a battle. A good old-fashioned shark battle to the death, to be exact. Jawz accepts seeing as how he was getting annoyed with Ranger Guy's attempts to foil his world domination scheme. He figures he can beat him since he's never really fought that much as a shark while Jawz has. He has the experience advantage. Ranger Guy is pretty damn tough, though. He decides to train. Ranger Guy isn't stupid. He knows that despite the fact that he's tough he isn't used to sea shark battles. He does training exercises as a shark in the sea and fights with other sea creatures. He crams in as much training as possible before the one month deadline. Meanwhile, Jawz is lounging around eating cake and stuff thinking this will be easy. BIG MISTAKE, JAWZ.
All this time a HUGE arena is being constructed in the sea. It is made of stone. A simple coliseum style design, but not just a plain circle. There are a lot of seats and the middle of the arena is the size of a football field. There are metal rafters built up from the coliseum. NO EXPENSE IS SPARED. This is, afterall, the battle for it all. Everyone buys tickets when they become available. It is decided that it will also be on PPV.
The big night finally arrives. There are cameras underwater to catch the action, hot chicks swinging around from the rafters, a big TV and announcer guys. It's billed as "THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURAAHH!". Rightfully so, I might add! I'm sure the audience agrees at this point! It gets the highest PPV ratings ever. There is a one hour pre battle thing where Ranger Guy and Jawz trash talk each other and get interviewed. Who will win between the battle of the titans? The world is watching, part of it still not broken free from Jawz's control. All bets are off! Someone is going to die!
The time to fight is finally upon us. Jawz and Ranger guy stand opposite each other on 100 foot diving boards. They are far away, but the large TVs catch their hate filled stare down. The sun has set. The bell rings and the battle finally starts with Ranger Guy and Jawz jumping from the diving boards and turning into sharks on the way down (This looks really cool thanks to CG!). The battle ensues and some really hard rock music plays during the fight scenes. This goes on for an hour (Thier time. The people in the theatre just see a bunch of cool shots.). At the end, they are both wounded from an even battle... They are staring each other down. This last move determines it. Jawz makes a rash move out of frustration and Ranger Guy makes him pay... WITH HIS LIFE. He is able to counter Jawz's attack. Ranger Guy makes a really cool pun/quip and the scene ends with everyone cheering and snapping out Jawz's mind control. There are fireworks and ham for EVERYONE.
In the last scene it shows everyone being happy since Jawz is gone. Ranger Guy is in his backyard with a bunch of neighbors having a BBQ. "Jawz tastes pretty damn good!", Ranger Guy says as he tastes some of the meat he was BBQing. Oh, Ranger Guy, you are just full of surprises! After this lighthearted scene it closes in on Ranger Guy's face and his eyes turn bright red. I dunno what it's supposed to suggest, but it leaves a sequel idea open.
//Russell
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Staff Comments of Awesomeness
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August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate
It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.
Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.
June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny
I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny
I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.
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