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Updates:
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Updates:
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Who Wants Hyrule?
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Two of the things that confuse me the most about the so called great game, The Legend of Zelda, for the NES, are the following:
- Why the hell would Ganon want to take over this pathetic world?
- Why the hell did Link even bother to save it?
I mean, just take a look at the world map.
(Click on the map to see it in full size)
Most of the world is nothing but sand and stone. In the middle eastern part there are a couple of forests. And then we have some Zora-infiltrated waters. The population of Hyrule reaches a stunning 10-20 people, and they all live in small caves with no more furniture than two fires (if that counts as furniture) and maybe a rug.
Am I the only one who wonders why the hell Link even bothers in saving this piece of shit land? Shigeru Miyamoto must've had the most boring thoughts ever to enter a human's brain.
"I just had an idea! Put some rocks next to those rocks! AND SAND! LOTS OF SAND!"
"What about people, sir?"
"Rocks."
But, of course, we have the Zelda-saving part. 'Cause I actually understand him on that part of the story, I mean, it's totally natural to have an urge for sex. But couldn't Link just take care of that instead, and ignored the rest?
"Hey, Ganon. Let's make a deal, you hand over Zelda so that I can take her back to her invisible castle, or where the fuck she came from, and I'll stop bitching about you taking over this fucking piece of shit-land. Okay?"
"Sure, elf-boy. The only reason I kidnapped the bitch in the first place was 'cause she kept nagging about me stealing those tri-force things so that I could rule this patch of sand."
That would've been so much better for everyone. If Ganon wants to use his evil forces on a land filled with nothing but stone, sand, and an occasional tree (that Link otherwise just burns to the ground to find a secret store to buy more explosives, so that he can ruin the land even more), then I say let him. And now that Link tries to save the stones and the sand, then I'd say he's just as dumb as Ganon, and he, too, should die. The winners should be the Octoroks, 'cause at least they know how to entertain themselves.
//Benny
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Staff Comments of Awesomeness
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August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate
It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.
Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.
June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny
I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny
I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.
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