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Milon's Secret Castle
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1986 - Hudson - NES
Damn you, Milon! Unless Milon isn't the name of the character. I don't think he is. I don't think it's that little blue deaf boy's castle (he is deaf, right? I remember something about that . . . ). I think Milon is the owner of the castle (the secret castle, that is), and the little blue guy's just there to save a princess. Maiden Milon, perhaps. I'm extremely bored, as you can tell. But if the guy isn't Milon, how come there's that DoReMi Fantasy Milon game on the SFC/SNES? HOW COME, JAPAN? ANSWER ME. Speaking of the castle itself, which I wasn't, how come it's only got doors outside of it? There's no hallways or anything like that. Just doors and windows. Now that's not what I'd call a castle. More like a . . . . ok, fine, I guess it's still a castle.
This is a pretty weird game, by the way. And hard. It's a pretty hard game. Maybe it's not even all that weird at all, just hard. This is one of the earliest games I remember. My sister had it in her NES collection, back before I got my own NES.
Graphics
Good for 1987. Dull colors (I like dull colors), and weird-looking enemies. It's 1987 and NES! Not like you were expecting better. I like the enemies, though. They look like a first grader drew them. I used to draw little monsters and stuff and wish they'd end up in games. They never did. EVER! SADNESS.
Sounds
I can't really recall the sounds being anything special, so I'll just say "average sounds." But honestly, what games have "above average" sound effects? They're sound effects! Yeah.
Same goes for music, although some of it is good and can get stuck IN THE HEAD. Like the music in the well. Ooooohh Yeeeaaaaa! What? I like it. Too bad the kid is deaf and doesn't get to hear the music, eh? Hmm, you might disagree with me there.
Gameplay
You're a little boy (or maybe a man, I don't know.) in blue, and you're going through different rooms in this big castle, trying to reach the top and save a girl, I guess. Each room is a small set of platforms to jump around on, with plenty of enemies to do away with, some money to pick up, and a few secrets. The control is more-or-less responsive, which is a very good thing.
You can jump and shoot bubbles, but that's about it.
Some blocks in each level can be destroyed, revealing either money or just a way to get past that part. Occasionally it'll reveal a secret shop. There's really no way to know which blocks are breakable, so just shoot everything! Haha.
There are a few powerups, but nothing special. A heart refills some health, an umbrella . . . does something, a bee (The Hudson Bee! I think . . . whatever, they're rare and hard to find, they'll just pop-up out of no where and if you can catch them you'll get a little bubble around you which can protect you from enemy hits until you get hit whatever number of times.), a balloon (I've seen ONE, and I've played/watched this game for many years.) which makes your bubble (attack) slightly bigger. There's also money, like I mentioned, and honeycombs (I think one in each level), those increase your life bar. Very helpful.
The money doesn't just go to your score (I don't even think this game keeps score), you have to use it to buy things. There are little shops all around the castle. Usually they offer 2 "Hints" ("FIND A SAW," "BALLOON MAKES THE BUBBLE BIGGER") and 1 item to buy. This adds to gameplay, of course.
There are also secret music boxes (Again, I think there's one in each level), a little bonus game where you collect music notes and it'll put some money in your pocket. Not literally, unfortunately.
It's hard, though. Oh, so hard. I don't know why, it just is. Maybe it's the bosses, that's where I end up dying. Sure, the bosses all have generally the same strategy (Jump around and shoot tons of shit at you), but it's a good one, and your character's inability to hear the projectiles makes him vulnerable to getting hit in the eye with one of the fog-cloud's little ball things. GOOD JOB, YOU WANT TO BECOME BLIND, TOO?! KEEP FIGHTING LIKE THAT AND YOU WILL! Ah, what's the point, he can't hear me anyway. *OFFENDS THE DEAF*
Each time you fight a boss you either get an item or a crystal ball. Each does different things, usually just opens a new door or something. And there's a fake boss which I never seem to remember. You reach the bottom of the well and you see a ball of fire that looks like a boss and shoots things at you. You hit it 300 times and then accidentally hit the wall behind him, revealing a hole in the floor. Jump down there and what do you find? The well's boss.
I guess it's pretty linear, to some extent. You start out outside of the castle, and you can enter whichever doors are accessible, gaining money, enlargening your health bar, buying boots and vests and lanterns, and then you fight a boss. That's about it. It's still hard, though.
Originality
Sure, you're a deaf kid exploring a castle, but you're still saving a princess. I think. Hey, shut up!
Overall
It seems everyone hates this game. Maybe I just like it because it's got that whole nostalgia thing going . . . Maybe I just like it because I'm not playing it right now. It's not as bad as everyone makes it seem, though. Or maybe I'm just insane. I've never come close to beating this game, and probably never will. Either due to the fact that I suck at games, or due to the fact that I can only pay attention to something for 20 minutes. Ehhhh. Still, download it, you might like it. Not like you're doing anything else important.
I've got to work on writing reviews. Or I can just keep writing down whatever comes to my mind, when it comes to my mind. And then hey, shut up. My eyes hurt.
Screenshots
//Marshall
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Staff Comments of Awesomeness
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August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate
It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.
Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.
June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny
I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny
I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.
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