Last Updated:
        030312 | 23:22 GMT

Under 18? Then leave. This site contains foul language and foul fake-opinions from foul people, and people under 18 die if they read those words and/or opinions.

Also, if you're easily offended, you do best in leaving, as well. It is all meant to be for fun, but you are still likely to be offended.

Persona

1996 Atlus - Atlus - PSX

I had very high hopes for Persona. It takes place in the modern world, it has a unique battle system involving more than just fighting, and the irrevocably cool concept of demonic possession. Unfortunately, I can't think of a single thing that was done right in this game, no matter how amazing it could have been.

Persona begins with some of your characters and some NPCs in an abandoned lot, performing some kind of magic ritual, because rebelling by smoking is just so last week. Something goes terribly wrong (gee, who could have guessed?), and the world. . .or maybe just the town your characters live in. . .is flooded with demons. Your task is to run around and figure out what's going on, and then stop it.

First, the graphics are downright ugly. The overhead map is a mass of gray squares with a little green cursor representing your character. The dungeon screens are akin to a very, very old PC adventure game, except that the lack of landmarks and such make navigation extremely difficult. The battle and field screens are nothing special, but at least not as bad as the rest.

The music and sound was unmemorable, and poorly executed. . .when you hear a gunshot a few seconds after the bullet has hit the target, that's a BAD thing.

The story is the most predictable tripe I have ever seen in an RPG. Perhaps the developers, whom I believe are from Japan, don't know much about American pop culture, and therefore thought they were being original, or at least entertaining. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

The characters are your standard horror movie cast, including the token black guy, who plays basketball and seems to speak in some sort of 'ebonics'. . .however, given the poor translation, it's difficult to tell.

The battle system had quite a bit of potential. The fighting itself took place on a grid-like system, but before the fighting began, you had the chance to talk to the enemy, which can provoke certain reactions. The talk function is more entertaining than the battles themselves, but the novelty wears off rather quickly. This is, of course, due to the poor translation; the various talk commands are strangely named, and the lines your characters spout are strange, confusing, lame, and not in the good way either.

As far as the fighting itself goes, it's a turn-based system which takes place on a grid. Character and enemy placement are important, as line of sight and attack range comes into play. Beyond that, each character has a special magical spell, which summons their Persona. Much like other games' summon spells, this tends to destroy all the enemies.

I seem to have. . .*cough*. . .misplaced my copy of Persona (thankfully), and even if I still had it, I wouldn't bear to play another minute of it to produce more substance for this anti-cenotaph of a review.

2/10

//James

Staff Comments of Awesomeness

August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate

It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.

Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.

June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny

I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.

May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny

I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.


Video of Awesomeness


Okay, so Finnish, but they sing in Swedish so it's alright.